Friday, 3 March 2017

The 'tank' inspector.



I've just received the official report concerning our fosse septique (Septic tank) which was inspected in April 2016.

The Inspector (I suppose I have to call him that) was a 'still wet behind the ears' spotty youth, who looked as if he'd just been expelled from school.

He asked lots of questions; I answered them. He wanted to see locations; I showed him. He took measurements; I assisted him.

Just a few weeks before his visit we had replaced all the large red plastic perforated soak-away pipes; he was impressed. He sniffed at the air; no pong. He smiled as he took copious notes of what I told him.

Then I receive this report, and frankly it could be for a totally different house.

He did get one or two things right; the home-owner's name, the location, and the date. But other than that, the whole 5 page report is pure fiction. I'm now just grateful that he said all was OK; if he'd been in a bad mood we might well have had to replace the whole bloody lot.

His two most encouraging words were 'acceptable' and 'correct'; other than that you'd have thought that we had a home-made 'earth closet'.




27 comments:

  1. Sounds like you have the same sort of jobsworths in positions of minor authority that we have here.

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    Replies
    1. He seemed like such a nice guy too.

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  2. Regular emptying of the tank keeps the soakaways in good working order. Did he ask you how often you have it emptied? That is about the only question he needed to ask.

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  3. That is one of the few things that i am so glad we don't have here.

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    1. They're OK, they work very well as long as they're looked after.

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  4. At least you got a report! We had an inspection a few years ago, passed, but never received any paperwork.

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    Replies
    1. Didn't you have an inspector last year? You seem to be lucky!

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  5. Good job there's no inspections here for that (yet!). Mine is an on going project!

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    Replies
    1. Ours is all up to date, so no worries; but I don't like 'inspectors' of any sort.

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  6. Now you can poo with the blessing of the national authorities. Phew.

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    Replies
    1. Does that mean we now have to sing The Marseillaise every time we visit the bog?

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    2. I think Beethoven's Ode to Joy would be better - it relates to the EU and you can time the cannon-fire to the 'exhalations'.

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    3. Or am I thinking of a completely different Beethoven shitting song?

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  7. We have a septic tank, but there are no inspections. You're making me think this spring might be a good time to have it pumped out again. -Jenn

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    Replies
    1. Once every few years should be enough.

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  8. Hmmm... I think we only get inspections here when tanks are installed. We got a new tank last year. Should last for a while!

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    1. We've also recently put in a huge brand new system up at our barn. The inspector even found fault with that.

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  9. We put a good system in at the old house, years ago. It had to pass an inspection in order to sell the house. We had to make a thousand dollars in "improvements" to pass. We were fortunate; we could have been required to put in a forty thousand dollar "home plant."

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    Replies
    1. I think we have to have a total survey if we wish to sell. Luckily we have no intention to move.

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  10. I always had the fantasy that you wrote with an antique fountain pen

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  11. I've always thought that was one of the blessings of living in town -- fosse septique was not the first French phrase I had to learn.

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    1. In fact it was one of the first phrases I needed, as the large farmhouse I first bought back in 1972 didn't seem to have one; nor did it have any sign of a bathroom. Primitive times!

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  12. That's a relief (no pun intended!) as it is SO expensive to replace, so I'm told.

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    1. Yes, we've just put in a very extensive system up at our barn. They don't come cheap.

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  13. We have to replace ours if we ever want to sell,, which we may do in a few years depending on our health. Some authoritative figure appeared through our gate a few years ago and explained new regulations that had been passed. It's quite an expensive proposition so we'll probably put it off as long as possible.

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