Wednesday, 23 March 2016

The Clettering Machine.



Much of our electrical kitchen equipment has a mind of its own, and this 'clettering machine' (washing-up machine) is no exception.

When it first arrived, Lady Magnon couldn't use it at all. She pressed the suggested buttons, and nothing happened. Its usage became something of an intelligence test, although there was nothing intelligent about its workings.

Lady M eventually developed her own system that involves several buttons, a rabbit's foot, and offerings of cake, but even this occasionally encounters resistance by Mr Smeg. I can't tell you the amount of times I've found Lady M, on her knees in front of the machine, begging it to start.

Me, I use the sink. A bowl of soapy water and a sponge, and I know where I am. Anyway, I have no idea how the machine works, and I don't want anyone to try to explain it to me either.

One of these days (if I have time) I'll also tell you about our oven; but let me give you a tempting preview.

Mr Bosch will only work when switched to 'off', then to turn it off after cooking requires a visit to the fuse box. Need I say more?

I think Mr Smeg and Mr Bosch have made some evil electrical alliance.




45 comments:

  1. Sounds dangerous at your place - I seem to remember a washing machine that gave electrical shocks.

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  2. I wash the dishes in the 'Israeli way' as your freind Ts calls it, no washing machine here and i like it that way.

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    Replies
    1. Me too, it's easier, quicker, and costs nothing.

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  3. Both appliances sound very,very dangerous.
    No they don,t have a mind of their own, something
    electrically is very wrong with them!.
    Please get them fixed, or throw them out and get
    new ones.
    You are risking your lives.

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    Replies
    1. No, both appliances are eccentric. The washing-up machine is just plain poorly designed, and the oven has a dodgy computer chip.

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  4. It is only the two of us here, not enough plates to fill up the dishwasher daily, so I hand wash the dishes - I don't mind it either as I find it therapeutic. I'm certain, Cro that you do have life-saving device that trips in case of power leakage?
    Greetings Maria x

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    Replies
    1. Yes, there's no danger with either machine, they are just ODD.

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    2. Glad to hear, did it trip when Lady M got electric shocks from the washing machine.

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    3. The washing machine business was caused by water having dripped on an extension lead, and was soon fixed. The other two machines are just bizarre.

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  5. What a nuisance - especially for Lady M. if she has to keep offering up sacrifices to them....I hope she doesn't use those gorgeous hot cross buns !
    We have a Bosch washing machine which is, alas, is a Friday afternoon "job" and has a mind of it's own. I noticed that Bosch appliances are now assembled in Turkey, and did wonder if that might have something to do with it....??

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    Replies
    1. Our Bosch oven broke down just 4 days after the guarantee ran out. They wouldn't budge!

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  6. We adore and worship our dish washer. I haven't offered it cake or rabbits foot yet but at work find people often offer it tea bags. You might want to try that. It happens enough in the office that there must be something to the teabag offering.

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    Replies
    1. I can see that might help. Orange peel also perhaps?

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  7. Sounds as if you are encountering the same electrical problems as Tom Cro ....... it must have something to do with being arty !!!!! I love our dishwasher simply because you can shove all the dirty dishes away in it and they are out of the way !! I'm impressed that you have a Smeg .... I didn't even know they made dishwashers !!! That will be my next dishwasher ! XXXX

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    Replies
    1. Knowing our Smeg, I would recommend anything else!

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    2. I call my dishwasher the 'dirty dishes cupboard'. Chuck 'em all in there when visitors are expected.

      I hadn't had a dishwasher for many, many years and now that I do, I'm considering marrying it. I do so love it.

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    3. I think Lady Magnon would swap me for hers any day.

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  8. I have just had an additional hearing aid for my left ear and suddenly i am hearing exactly the racket our dishwasher makes when I switch it on. It sounds as though it is about to break down but I just press the on switch and hope for the best.

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    Replies
    1. Our washing machine was making enough noise to wake the dead this morning. They are all ganging-up against us.

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  9. I love my dishwasher but when it first arrived it took us hours to find the 'on' switch. It's hidden inside the door so you have to press that before closing, and then there are the multiple questions to answer on the key pad on the outside. Why has everything got to be so complicated these days?

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    Replies
    1. We had several 'Laden' machines in the past. They were known for having one button, and would last for decades.

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    2. My mum's Indesit had one switch, on/off and was the cheapest on the market, and also lasted decades and did a superb job, no program selection at all.

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  10. Gosh I'm worried about you both now...are you sure the wiring in your place is ok? although truth be told the instructions for these infernal machines is so difficult to understand...I still don't know how to operate my new tumble drier....the clothes never come out dry...

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    Replies
    1. We have an outdoors drier. A long piece of string and some pegs. No batteries required.

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  11. Replies
    1. That's the traditional Somerset way.

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  12. The newer they are, the more options they have (all shown in the tiny print). I prefer just "on and off" and quiet.

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  13. You and Tom are suffering through a plague of gremlins; they're probably in cahoots.

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  14. My dishwasher is the same. There is nothing wrong with it. You press and hold and think you have set it going and happily walk away and come back two hours later and find that you never turned it on in the first place. You start again and hold and push and watch this time. It is the strange Bosch way of turning the dishwasher on. P washes up in a bowl in the sink and is always happy.

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  15. God, nothing worse, especially new equipment. The dishwasher has a loose connection and I would demand technicians come and fix them.

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    Replies
    1. I don't think it has; it is just eccentric.

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  16. What amazing timing! Mr. Bosch will move in here tomorrow morning. Despite your report, I am counting on his desire for German perfection, much superior to our current American Mr. Nonamebrand who refuses to open his little door to share the detergent with the dishes.

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  17. I keep hearing men (including my partner) say they never use the dishwasher in their kitchen. They prefer to wash up in the sink. They feel very virtuous. They announce that they have done it. What they don't say is that they only do it occasionally and when the mood takes them, not when it most needs doing, that is straight after dinner!

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    Replies
    1. I only do it when my wife is away; I'm not totally nuts. Of course she never does it at all, she just puts it into a machine. Nothing virtuous there!

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  18. Electrics scare me, you can never be too safe.
    My house is as safe as it can be electrically wise, every plug, socket and light switch tested n has individual n mains trip switch,
    Fire brigade also tested my whole house.
    But I did buy a house, that went on fire and killed the old guy who lived here when he wet his electric blanket.
    Guess I,m aware any electric appliance that doesn,r do what it should is binned, no question.

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    Replies
    1. I think we're OK, the whole kitchen was re-wired when we fitted the new kitchen a couple of years ago. Fingers crossed.

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